Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
