distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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