FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
