thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
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This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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