Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
