Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
