There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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