I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
