i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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