Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Farmville is her only friend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
