Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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