Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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