She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
