sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
