He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
