I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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