If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
