my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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