I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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