Say something about gay babies.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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