I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
