Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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