I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
