I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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