fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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