The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
