She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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