I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
