We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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