The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
