It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
