I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
