After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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