Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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