Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
