forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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