Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
