I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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