I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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