I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
