maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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