I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
