some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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