hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
