Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
