I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
