Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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