I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
