Got a toothbrush?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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