turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize