too bad you live with your parents still
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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