You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
