He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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