Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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