I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
