When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize