just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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