hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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