then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
