Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
