why didn't you poke me back
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
