i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
