If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
