I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
