mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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